A quick check-in

There'll be a little radio silence momentarily, but I trust you'll understand

Today it is a stormy wet day in Perth, Western Australia, as I sit and write this the rain gushes down in the characteristic “on/off tap” way it does here. The gloominess of the day definitely is a match for my mood.

I’ve been working on a few writing projects recently, but I’ve been somewhat waylaid by life’s circumstances. Unfortunately one of those circumstances involves the recent diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer in my mum, who is already experiencing other medical issues.

The Doctors at Royal Perth have used this diagnosis as a way of kicking the can down the road on treating her (entirely treatable) other medical issues, and it has gone on for nearly a year now, and I literally am at the stage where I fear for her life because those other medical issues have been completely neglected.

My mum and I have always been close. At another time I’ll write my mum’s story, it’s an incredible one, to say the least. To me, she is an angel. I don’t put her on any pedestal, she is also flawed and there are aspects to her I very much dislike.

But overall, you won’t find a more solid mum, and I appreciate and love her enormously. So as you can imagine recently finding out that she’s got stage 4 cancer was pretty devastating. She is uninterested in chemo so who knows how long I have with her. Before any of you pipe up, yes I’ll look into alternatives for her, but it’s all pointless unless she can have this operation she needs

So my life has become a cycle of checking in on her every day, bringing her to my house (thankfully just a few hundred metres away) or going to hers to make sure she has good food available, and much to my dismay, watching her eat less and less and consistently lose weight. Trying to keep her spirits up, keep her talking and laughing, keep her interested, and often failing, no matter how hard I try.

I do this as we await the outcome on whether or not she can have the operation she needs which will make her much more comfortable or not, which seems to take an incredibly long time. In the meantime she is in pain every day, and has very limited mobility. Because her issues are stomach-related, she can only take very limited amounts of painkillers, so she basically has to put up with it, to a large degree.

This has gone on since last November…

I will deal with the people behind all these despicable actions later, but for now, my focus is on getting mum to the finish line where she can at least have this operation and be out of daily pain.

Watching my mum go through this is literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Every day I cry now, but I try not to let her see. I have realised how much I will miss her once she’s gone, and seeing her suffer is mental torture.

Then when I check in on social media and the news I just literally want to shut down. But I don’t have that luxury, there is nobody else there for my mum. So I just go on as best I can. I have to be strong for her, even if I don’t feel it some days.

Just when you think things can’t get any stranger, a significant person from my past suddenly wants to meet up to have a coffee and chat, but then is suddenly injured so badly requiring hospitalisation and now everything is delayed. This person insisted my wife not say my name to him last time they spoke, so something significant has changed. If they do want to make amends, that’d be nice, it’d help heal significant rifts in the family, but I have no idea how they could possibly fix the wrongs they’ve inflicted.

They’ve done so much damage to me, and I have so many of their knives of theirs still sticking out of my back that I’m absolutely fascinated to find out why they’re suddenly being obsequious and want to meet up.

There are also some very strange things going on with some of my friends, which I won’t get into. But it’s definitely a cause for concern on a few levels, one of them has suddenly developed some very serious substance abuse issues and is starting to rub shoulders with some very questionable people. I try to talk to them, and they insist everything is fine. But it doesn’t look that way to me. Something smells really rotten.

Everything in general seems to be coming to a certain point, I don’t know if it’s a crossroads, a t-junction, or just the end of the road for me. Hopefully not the latter! Big change is coming not only to the rest of the world, but to me personally.

It’s really a very strange time.

So for now, I have very little spare energy for anything. Everything is going into what I’m doing, especially with regard to my mum. The next few months are crucial, as I see it, as to whether or not she gets to stick around for a few more years, or whether I will be saying goodbye to her soon. I’d rather she stuck around for a bit longer, so I’m putting everything I can into that.

My dad already got a diagnosis for a type of aggressive blood cancer (yes, he is, if you were wondering) in early 2022. We no longer speak, unfortunately, I was doing his gardening for a long time when he was too unwell to do it, but his continuing unkindness towards unvaccinated people became an issue between us, and we no longer speak. I did email him to tell him about my mum, and received no response. Typical for him. If you’ve ever thought “gee that Pete guy is a bit of a bastard”, well, thank Bjarne.

They are my only family in Australia and I’m not really connected with my family in Scandinavia so at that point my wife will be what’s left of my family. It’s a strange thought, the notion of life going on without them.

I do hope you’ll forgive this very personal rant in amongst the rest of my substack. I just wanted to let you know why I expect I’ll be a bit quiet for a bit. It takes energy to put writing pieces together, or do art, or whatever, and right now I just don’t have any to spare. I start, and then just fizzle. So I’m retracting for a bit.

But one thing you can be sure of is that I always pick myself up and carry on at some point, and at that point you’ll be hearing from me again.

Thanks so much for bearing with me, I trust you understand why my priorities need to be where they are.

I hope everyone is well, and that you’re enjoying the shitshow that is 2025.